A strong unconscious need for relationships

At first glance, it seems that the narcissist is above all these relationships and doesn’t need anyone. On the one hand, this is true. It is not for nothing that he has erected so many defenses between himself and people. But it’s because of fear and shame…..

Little Narcissus was looking for her little man in life. She knew that without him she wouldn’t be happy. Nor would she be happy without him. So she searched frantically and passionately for her soul mate.

And she was right.

The paradox is that a narcissist needs a relationship. And not just to exploit, humiliate and devalue everyone. And not even to compete and convince himself of his own superiority. His need is different. He craves a relationship because it’s the only thing in his fantasy that will give him a chance at normalcy and adequacy. He realizes that only a relationship with someone can give him back (or create) his own good self. He tries to get close to people in the only ways available to him: “I’ll swallow you first before you can swallow me.” He is too afraid of losing himself, of dissolving and being swallowed by another, of letting the process go. This battle with reality will end in his defeat, and he will “crawl out” from under the ruins with increased anger at himself, insignificant and unable to cope, or at life, which is again unfair to him….

This is fragments from the forthcoming book “Fragile People: A Secret Door to the World of Narcissists”

To publish and finish the book I need your support. I’ll be glad to have your help. https://www.buymeacoffee.com/FragilePeople/

If you find yourself in a relationship with such a person, you must realize:
- you’re on an impossible mission to fulfill the narcissist’s fantasy of the perfect parent. Who love in spite of, or rather in spite of, everything. Parents who accept, nourish, support, inspire;
- you, too, may sincerely want to participate in this narcissist’s “request” and try to give what he hasn’t been given. This is how you will get into your grand fantasy, in which you must become not just a person, but a healing and fulfilling other;
- the sooner you recognize your powerlessness in this and remain just who you are, the better.