Boredom
Boredom is a type of negatively colored emotion or mood; a passive mental state characterized by decreased activity, lack of interest in any activity, the outside world and other people.
Narcissists are very characterized by this feeling. If they can’t get something, they resort to devaluing the very object of their desire. In this way they find themselves as if they were above their desires, the real masters of their passions.
The process usually looks like this. The narcissist really wants something, but it is scary to move toward it. One can fail, not achieve what one is aiming for. For example, a person wants to people, but is afraid of rejection, ridicule or disdain. There is a way out for him: it is necessary to stop wanting under the sauce of the idea of “not really wanting. Desire seems to disappear, the movement toward people stops, and no more energy is generated for it. Or another example: a person wants realization and victories, but it is scary and risky. Then he decreases the energy in himself again and stops wanting. And so on…
Once upon a time there was a Little Daffodil.
At first she thought she could be president, but then she decided that politics was boring.
Then she dreamed that the men of the world would be at her feet, and then it turned out that all those relationships were a bore of death.
In the end, she wanted to live her life in a rousing and grandiose way. But here, too, it turns out that she has nothing in it but boredom…
What remains in the end? Boredom! He tries to do something, gets in a wedge between what he really is, is horrified by how far from ideal he is, and urgently “castrates” his energy. And he ends up bored, but with a good look on his intelligent face…
Narcissus is bored with life. This is his basic feeling. He is bored in his desert, in his reduced to a minimum level of energy, which is not directed anywhere, but is turned only to himself. He is bored without people, without new horizons, without ambition, without victories and even without defeats.
Boredom is his payment for keeping his head down in a world in which he risks his image of himself.
Our lives evolve so that in our youth we are at the mercy of fantasies of our own narcissistic power and straightforward, impetuous movement only upward. As time passes in the normal version, it becomes apparent to people that there are ups as well as downs. Fortunes may be followed by failures and then successes again. And so on. And our narcissism becomes healthier and more resilient if it has been fundamentally sufficient…
A deficiency of healthy narcissism terrifies a person with the possibility of failure or of encountering, even temporarily, a disruption of his own plans for success. A narcissist can be so crushed by the very idea of his own failure that he devalues himself completely and falls into his own nothingness. And he is only unable to ensure by his efforts a continuous and progressive development in each of the areas where he is supposed to be unique and inimitable. In order to preserve at least the remnants of self-esteem for himself, he will “conserve” himself or stop setting goals at all, since he cannot meet grand ambitions, it is safer to give up or lay low at all. Or to settle for less than he would like, because the narcissist is incapable of viewing failure as a temporary factor that can be corrected, endured, or overcome. He is so constructed that he immediately draws conclusions about his inadequacy and total error toward himself. And that he is much more insignificant than he thought, and that everything is hopeless.
The narcissist loses interest in an area in which he does not achieve quick or great results, much less undergo difficulties or failures.
After a few legitimate life “failures,” which happen to all people, the narcissist refuses to go on, having lost interest in life in general. His ability or giftedness should automatically provide him with a special position in which he is always guaranteed great results. Trapped by this false belief and stumbling upon any obstacle, he loses energy. Whether it is criticism, the need for perseverance, or repetition, his passion cools, an activity for which he seemed interested ceases to inspire him, and at some point he sinks into enduring boredom.
Fragments from the forthcoming book “Fragile People: A Secret Door to the World of Narcissists”
