Clarify the relationship
To clarify relationships is to bring clarity, to answer the question of what is between us. This is therapy between us, so let’s look for answers.
It is inherent to us to unconsciously choose to partner with people who feed our childhood traumas and destructive patterns of behavior.
In addition, there are a number of beliefs rooted in early childhood.
Depending on our family system, we may have a very skewed understanding of what relationships are and what it means to make them clear. For some, plates and glasses flying around the kitchen were the norm. For someone, a parental week-long boycott was self-evident. Someone hasn’t learned to separate feelings from emotions. Someone hasn’t learned the difference between a relationship and an interaction.
We can only patronize ourselves by raising our inner adult and dismissing our inner parents.
RELATIONSHIPS IN A COUPLE OR WITH LOVED ONES ARE:
not tattling,
not manipulation,
not blackmail,
not playing the silent game,
no ignoring,
no scheming,
no threats,
no intimidation,
not exploitation,
not instrumentalized,
not exposure,
not spying,
not partisanship,
not pandering.
Often people, instead of talking to, talk about. Instead of talking to a child, looking him in the eye, they talk about him to others. The irony is that until we recognize that the recipient of our feelings (positive or negative) is a specific person, there will be interactions, not relationships.
We buy buns from the bakery and meat from the butcher. Not the other way around.
It’s the same in a relationship:
mad at you — I tell you about it,
I love you, I talk to you about it.
It seems simple. But if you don’t work on your mistakes, you’ll be as poor as a church mouse in a relationship. And even if we want to say, “I don’t know how,” we always know in the back of our minds that there is a solution. And maybe it’s easier than it looks. Sometimes the solution is a choice. The choice is to do things differently than before. If you rely on your intuition, if you allow yourself the courage, you can assume what transparency and with whom you lack.
Set goals and walk toward them as you read a book, from page to page.
Clarity is WHEN I know why we work, live, build relationships, why we collaborate and interact together.
CLARITY IS WHEN:
Without a second bottom,
no emotional manipulation,
no blackmail with sex or children,
no desire to take advantage of each other,
no desire to profit from the status or position of the other,
no tendency to elevate oneself by humiliating the other,
no personal relationships for money,
no business relationship built on sympathy,
no desire to buy the other,
no control of the relationship.
Exercise. Clarity with myself and loved ones
With whom will I bring clarity to my relationship?
What kind of clarity do I need in my relationship with myself?
Often people are afraid of clarity because they think it’s better to live in helplessness than to face the transparency of relating to themselves.
Ask your friends, “Why are you with me? What is important and valuable to you about our relationship? Why do you want me?” You’ll learn a lot about yourself. And bring intensity to the relationship or give yourself a chance — if that’s not your thing — not to stay where you are on thin ice asking for trust, acceptance, acceptance, love to no avail.
