Desire for strong reactions to one’s personality
You may have gotten the impression from all of the above that deficit narcissists are necessarily modest men in inconspicuous clothing who don’t stick out of their corner. That’s not the case at all.
Hidden narcissists hide the deficiency of their self-esteem, but not always themselves. They can actually be flamboyant and conspicuous.
It can also be a way of compensating for their feelings of inadequacy and inadequacy. And of course, any relationship can be a way for him to get a narcissistic resource from the one being courted. This will allow him to maintain his self-esteem and generally feel valuable to someone. The more active the courtship, the greater the experience of one’s own importance, singularity and worthiness will be. After all, for any narcissist it is absolutely unbearable if they are considered ordinary or average. Because if they can’t be better than everyone else, they are nothing.
This is fragments from the forthcoming book “Fragile People: A Secret Door to the World of Narcissists”
To publish and finish the book I need your support. I’ll be glad to have your help. https://www.buymeacoffee.com/FragilePeople/
I’ve heard these stories many times from narcissists, in which they expect their environment to endlessly feed their sense of self and self-esteem. Of course, they concurrently devalue what they receive, disbelieve compliments, and generally pick at the wall with their finger, remaining just as unfulfilled and unfulfilling. Narcissist is like a greedy man who rakes everything in with one hand and shoves away the real attitude with the other. He will crave recognition and praise from you, not believing that you can a) give it, b) give it in the right form, c) do it sincerely, and d) not take it all back, devaluing everything you have previously given.
Once upon a time there was a Little Narcissist.
And she was a really gorgeous woman. Beautiful, bright and very interesting.
She was very desirable for friendship or other relationships. And many tried it, falling for that promised glow and burn.
Only all fantasies flew away very soon.
It turned out that the price of this happiness was a fierce demand: “Try and prove my self-worth to me. I need to know how valuable I am to you and good overall.”
And the pump for such pumping, for some reason no one wanted to be. Everyone ran away with varying degrees of damage to their sense of self adequacy.
In general, it is a complex game of imagination, in dependence on which the narcissist puts his self-esteem. It seems to him that as soon as he is seen, recognized, and made proud, how something will magically happen to him. And at the same time he will do everything he can to avoid seeing real recognition and good treatment. Why? Because then he will have to admit that he actually cares about that and is dependent on someone else. No way!
If you are behaving like the Narcissist in this example in a relationship, it would be good to realize the following.
- People don’t exist to constantly confirm that you’re okay. They are usually motivated by very different circumstances. And they are more concerned about their self-esteem than yours.
- You need to pay attention to the words of recognition and favor to you. It is important to notice them and assign them to yourself. This will be a reliance on reality. It should replace your fantasies that you are not interesting or valuable.
- In most cases, people don’t have incredible enthusiasm towards you, and that’s okay. But there are many other feelings and emotions, and you can influence this with your contribution to the relationship.
- Learn to notice sympathy, interest, and curiosity directed toward you. These reactions to the other person in contact are much more realistic than exuberant admiration or unbelievable recognition.
