Fear of envy (as a projection)

It’s amazing how often people talk about envy. In my opinion, much more than they are truly envious. But that’s not what I’m talking about right now.

Above I wrote about how a narcissist deals with his envy, all the while being quite sure that he is definitely not envious of anyone. In order not to let himself be seized by this unworthy feeling, he knows how to make those whom he envies unworthy of his envy.

And here I want to say that since narcissists are not in touch with their envy (as psychologists would say), they have to attribute it to those around them. They are not the ones who are envious, they are the ones who are envied. And this is dangerous. Because they can do the same thing they do to others. Narcissists are sure to be humiliated, devalued, that is, “take away” and “destroy” what can be envied.

Once upon a time there was a Little Narcissist.

And she was very jealous of other girls. And then she got mad at them for being better. And also devalued and criticized them deep down inside.

At one point, she made a stunning discovery: the world is full of envious, criticizing and devaluing women. And she was completely defenseless among them.

“God! What a lot of people to live among!” — thought Narcissotchka. And moved away from them. So as not to hurt herself.

But daffodils are “cunning” people. They can make “preemptive strikes”. They will do everything forward, so as not to risk all that hard earned labor, and not to give you a chance to envy them .

A typical situation looks like this. A person will play dumb and pretend that there is nothing to envy. He will collect everything that he has valuable, beautiful, interesting, and with the dexterity of a magician will show you empty hands. He will not boast or even talk about his virtues and successes. Rather, he will list impressive results and other “treasures” in passing. But he will immediately say “it doesn’t mean anything, others have more/better/cooler”. Or will so humiliate themselves that it will look like a clear dissonance with what you observe with your own eyes. This too is more characteristic of hidden narcissists. Where the grandiose will be out of himself to stick out his chest and obviously expect you to admire him, the hidden narcissist will hide from your eyes even that little that he could boast or be proud of.

The trouble is that it is a look from the outside could allow the narcissist even a little bit of appropriation of what is valuable and worthy in him. But to be reflected in the gaze of another is more unbearable than to give oneself a chance…..

Fragments from the forthcoming book “Fragile People: A Secret Door to the World of Narcissists”