Little Narcissist at the psychologist’s office

We must admit that deficit narcissists often come to psychologists. After all, it is quite difficult to live in constant tension from their own inadequacy. People want to facilitate their existence, to get at their disposal extinguished by attacks on themselves energy. They want to finally realize something and feel like worthy people.

In a relationship with a psychologist, as in any relationship, the narcissist will bring himself and his defenses. And this is fine, because it will allow us to observe live how he feels about himself, what he defends against and how he resists his life next to another person.

But first of all, we’re going to see again
- his fear of addiction. The relationship in therapy is based on regularity and a greater presence of the person next to him in difficult experiences than the narcissist allows himself in life. He will try not to recognize his dependence on the psychologist, remaining invulnerable and independent of him;
- his high self-demanding nature. The narcissist believes that since he has sought help, he should magically figure things out quickly and be cured. It is for this purpose that he has a super-mega-brain that will serve as a guarantee of a speedy cure. For in his picture of the world, if he understands, then he must already change;
- his attempts to get everything without being in a relationship with a counselor. Time after time we will have to draw his attention to the fact that the functional relationship “I give you money — you give me benefits” can bring short-term results, but globally dissatisfaction in himself will not satiate;
- his shame at taking something from others. By admitting that he needs help and that another has something that he does not have, the narcissist experiences humiliation and almost devaluation of his own self. After all, everything was held up on the premise that he should need no one and handle everything alone;
- his confusion that would take the place of his former ideas about himself. And as reactions to the fact that all his previous ways of showing himself in relationships were defensive and therefore false, totally not showing himself.

Let’s imagine what this might look like…..

One day, Little Narcissus came to see a psychologist. And he suggested that she remember her childhood. It was so unbearable that Narcissotchka just left and didn’t come back. Because there was so much fear and pain inside that no soul would be enough to bear it. And certainly no one could have witnessed it.

One day Little Narcissus came to see a psychologist. But then it turned out that in her life she had already read many books and listened to many lectures on psychology. Therefore, no matter what the Psychologist said, Narcissotchka had her own opinion on everything and it always turned out that she herself already knew everything.

That’s how their therapy never happened.

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Little Narcissist had a problem. And she wanted to see a psychologist. But at the stage of choosing a psychologist she immediately hit a dead end. After all, the psychologist had to be famous, so that Narcissotchka could feel that she was a part of the great. At the same time, not too clever, so as not to awaken envy and resentment. Had to be as good as Narcissotchka, but not better (so as not to arouse envy) and not worse (so as not to arouse devaluing contempt).

One day Little Narcissus read stories about Narcissus Girl. At first she was ashamed. Then she was frightened. But then she pulled herself together and rolled up her sleeves. Because she had a new front to work on.
She rushed to a psychologist. She found the best one. And for a long time she demanded from him effective methods of working with her own narcissism.

He mumbled something about contact and relationships. And that you can’t get treatment alone.

The narcissist took offense and left. “It’s cloudy, this therapy of yours. No guarantees,” she thought.

Little Narcissotchka suffered a lot from the uncertainty of this world. So she practiced hard to keep everything under control. To her shame and annoyance, it didn’t always work out.

And to achieve perfection in this, she decided to consult a Psychologist.
It took a whole year before they found out that Narcissist simply wanted to learn more effective ways of controlling and manipulating people.
Unfortunately, that’s where the therapy ended.

Little Narcissotchka went to a Psychologist to finally become healthy and normal. And there she began to demand of herself a lightning fast recovery and steady forward movement. No backsliding and no regressions! No slowing down and infantile slackness!

In general, she approached therapy with all the responsibility of a demanding mentor.

Only for some reason, she just kept getting worse and worse.

Little Narcissus had been seeing a psychologist for a couple of years. And after that time she couldn’t even admit to herself that she needed help.
What was it then?

Anything. Not what you think it was.

Little Narcissus decided to see a therapist.
And she got involved. But if anything good or warm happened between her and the Psychologist, Narcissotchka preferred to skip the next couple of meetings. To get even further away from the Psychologist than she was before she came to him.

One day Little Narcissist came to the Psychologist. And started using him as a Big Soviet Encyclopedia. Or a mechanical answering machine. Question — answer, question — answer. Inquiry — recommendation, problem — solution. Constraint — increase in problem-solving ability.

And the fact that next to the Psychologist it was possible to live a living self, Narcissochka for several years never realized.

Little Narcissotchka tuned up for a long time before each visit to the Psychologist and persuaded herself not to cry. At the thought that tears might start flowing from her eyes in front of a stranger, she was filled with horror and shame. And most of all, she was afraid that if she cried once, she would never be able to pull herself together again and continue to deal with all the tininess in her life.

Little Daffodil always thought there was something just a little bit wrong with her. She actively worked on herself and read a lot of smart books. It didn’t help much and didn’t calm her anxiety about her own imperfection at all.

And then one day she was advised to go to a psychologist. She came and… disappeared.

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True, it didn’t last long at all. Until the Psychologist’s first confusion, which he failed to hide from Narcissochka’s shrewdness. This she was unable to bear. She never came to the Psychologist again.

One day Little Narcissus decided: “It’s time to put an end to this outrage that is going on in my life! I must be cured and become normal.”

So she went to see a psychologist. And I went for months.

Until she found out that she could not manage the Universe better without attracting the attention of orderlies. And she resented the psychologist. Disappointed. And left. For good.

Little Narcissus decided to go to the psychologist. But not to get help. Because no one in the world could help Narcissus better than she could. And not at all to be understood. Because no one understands Narcissus better than she understands herself.

Her plan was to use the psychologist as a magic pencil. Because kicking herself wasn’t working so well anymore. And she needed someone specially trained to push Narcissus into her image of an ideal future together.

But the Psychologist refused to shove for some reason. I guess he just didn’t like to obey.

Little Narcissochka went to see the Psychologist. And when she arrived, she asked sternly: “What guarantee is there that you won’t get me hooked on this psychotherapy of yours?!”

Because Narcissochka was sure: to be healthy means not needing anyone and doing without any help.

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