Narcissistic defenses against close relationships

Fragile People — Psychology
2 min readNov 23, 2023

In a relationship, the narcissist expects himself to be able to be in the relationship. But he does not know how, does not know how, and his limitations for this are many. His soul was formed under the pressure of inhibitions to approach and reveal himself. He had to keep his ears open to protect himself from being ignored, unwanted, devalued, or cruel. His hopes were destroyed by inattention and lack of love and care. He had trained himself to not want a relationship for far too long for him to then have the ability to do so. Where nothing is put in, there is nothing to take. The narcissist doesn’t have that experience built into him, and the risk is too great for him.

He tries to become normal by joining people he is forced to idealize at first. Then he becomes disillusioned, devalues everything and walks away in despair. “To hell with your love and relationships!”

This is fragments from the forthcoming book “Fragile People: A Secret Door to the World of Narcissists”

To publish and finish the book I need your support. I’ll be glad to have your help. https://www.buymeacoffee.com/FragilePeople/

And he decides that from now on he will focus on self admiration and on recognition. He no longer wants feelings that cause so much pain and no guarantees. He needs a very different relationship that doesn’t give a chance for souls to meet. But he doesn’t need intimacy. All he needs is worship. And in order to ensure an uninterrupted supply of this admiration, he is ready to change fans and admirers. He tries to fill his “hole inside” what people will tell him about him.
Little Narcissist had relationships with people.

But almost lightning-fast. Meet, charm, disappointment, breakup. She met all sorts of people. But the outcome was always the same.

And what they were really like, little Narcissist didn’t really care. If they weren’t perfect, what did it matter?

If you are characterized by such a “pattern” of relationships, then pay attention to the fact that:
- Recognize the fact that you want a lot from people. On the one hand, this is a good thing. Because it’s a normal need;
- to see that maybe no one can match your ideas of what you should be given in a relationship. And what’s more, maybe the people around you don’t have the capabilities painted in your ideal fantasies at all;
- focus on seeing the real people around you, rather than looking for ways in which they don’t meet your needs;
- and think about what interesting things you can do with them….

--

--

Fragile People — Psychology

Philosopher, psychologist. I write about people, psychology, life, business. Support: https://bmc.link/FragilePeople