Unrealistic expectations in relationships

The grandiosity of the most insignificant narcissist is also manifested in the fact that he should become the center of the universe for those who choose him. He should be treated with special sensitivity, attention, care, tenderness, tenderness. He should become an exceptional object of exceptional care and exceptional interest. Narcissus in love is like a small child who, in order to feel his value and importance, needs to become literally the center of the world for mom and dad. In this case, the connection between the parents themselves has no value at all, because they must exist not for each other, but exclusively for the sake of the child. It is only in this case that the narcissist begins to “come alive” and feel that everything is all right with him.

Little Narcissist was very afraid of rejection and wanted acceptance. Unconditional. For everyone to accept her the way she wanted, in what she wanted and when she wanted. And if anyone responded in their own way, she would take offense and walk away.
Once again, convinced that for some reason, she was being rejected by everyone.

This is fragments from the forthcoming book “Fragile People: A Secret Door to the World of Narcissists”

To publish and finish the book I need your support. I’ll be glad to have your help. https://www.buymeacoffee.com/FragilePeople/

So he’s still trying to fulfill his infantile fantasy in adult relationships. And of course, every time he lights up with the opportunity to subjugate another person entirely and is disappointed if he refuses to say goodbye to the whole world for the sake of relationships.

Narcissus, on the other hand, is sincerely convinced that if “you love me, you will give up your life for me.” Otherwise, it’s not love….

It may look paradoxical and unrealistic, but if the narcissist does not feel his total exclusivity for the other, he can feel the most real pain. In these moments, he loses the ability to critically analyze and evaluate the delusion of his expectations. He truly suffers and loses his own value, falling into a sense of “badness.” Or he has already learned to do so that he no longer feels any pain. And rejects and devalues the person and the relationship before he gives a potential partner any chance. You should give a misfire and stop matching the narcissist’s fantasy of an ideal relationship with him, as — oops! As you are no longer with him, or rather, he is already far away from you.

Perhaps, being in a relationship with such a person, you have experienced despair and hopelessness more than once. No matter how much warmth and attention you give him, it is almost impossible to feed him. I can sympathize with you, because it’s really hard to endure. But if you really care about this relationship, I can recommend the following.

• Remember that the narcissist probably really doesn’t see you as a separate person, but only feels the way he is around you. You and your relationship make his self-image bad or good. That is, you serve as the regulator of his self-value all the time. That’s your role.
• Recognize to yourself that you will never be able to crack him and fill him with value and the knowledge that he is good. It’s likely to be just the opposite: the more you try, the more likely it is that your slightest displeasure or discomfort will be the strongest reason for him to see himself as bad and failing.
• See that your reactions cannot be free from the influence of his attitude toward himself. You won’t be able to resist his self-hatred and anger at yourself, and no matter how much you love him, it will affect your relationship.

Despite your best efforts, you may not be able to defeat his fantasy that you will definitely reject him. Allow yourself to feel sad about it.