Why we procrastinate and how it relates to anxiety

Procrastination leads to burnout and apathy. “I’ll just check my email now and make that work call.”

Half an hour has passed, you’ve managed to get a lot of things done, but you still haven’t gotten that work call. We talked to a psychologist about where procrastination comes from, how it can be dangerous and what role anxiety plays here.

What is procrastination? Is it a scientific concept?

Procrastination is the constant postponement of things that we consider important or useful. It is a painful, unpleasant state in which a person feels stress: he knows what he should do now, but he does anything but what is necessary. For example, before I sit down to write a text for a new publication, I may first answer all possible messages and pay all bills.

There is no term “procrastination” in psychology — it is a generalization and a strong simplification of a familiar mechanism of the human psyche. Procrastination and especially the fight against it came about in response to the challenge of the times: we need to be as productive as possible and keep up with everything. But every person has a set of psychological defenses, because of which he does not get what he wants.

At the same time, it often looks like we just don’t do what we want, forget, get distracted, don’t leave time. And this points to deeper reasons for these behaviors.

In therapy, we look at the SELF process, that is, the balance of the rational and sensual part of a person and the associated decision-making mechanism. If the sensual part of us is dominant, we will live from the word “want”, from the immediate fulfillment of needs. If the rational part is “must”: we will have difficulties in noticing our discomfort, hearing our desires, and doing what is convenient for us.

For example, a person who has a broken connection with his feelings and emotions, lives in the concepts of “must” and “should”, accepts the patterns set in society or does the “right” actions that will be approved by his family. Not understanding what he wants, what is good for him, he will simultaneously do approved actions and unconsciously resist, sabotage the chosen direction.

Also procrastination is influenced by childhood psychotraumas, unpassed separation.

For example, a boy with a cold and tyrannical father, growing up, continues to “prove” his importance to him. Yes, he achieves a lot, but he can not create a family, because he delays the choice and decision-making, unconsciously afraid of repeating the scenario of the parental family.

Is it normal to procrastinate?

Procrastination is normal. It is a natural mechanism that every person has to some degree. And that degree will depend on:

- peculiarities of a particular person — properties of his psyche, temperament, level of anxiety, self-demanding, level of perfectionism, self-esteem;
- the specific task and the conditions in which it must be performed. The thing that a person puts off may be very boring, difficult and unpleasant. He may not have similar experience or sufficient information. The matter may be too responsible or lead to a big change (e.g., a promotion at work, a move, a divorce will depend on the outcome);
- past experiences, the person’s world picture, and the environment in which they were formed. Let’s say one person has a stressful, bureaucratic, crowded, and irritating experience getting a driver’s license. And the other passed the commission over a cheerful conversation with a friend and on a good day. Of course, the first person will put off such an examination for a while next time and set themselves up for another negative experience.

What types of procrastination are there?

Procrastination can be:
- Domestic — when we put off regular everyday activities: cleaning, laundry, going to the store.
- decision-making procrastination — constantly procrastinating on any, even the most insignificant issues.
- neurotic — delaying vital decisions that have long-term consequences: choosing an educational institution, a profession, a partner, agreeing or refusing to marry.
- Academic — postponing the fulfillment of academic assignments, preparation of coursework, exams, etc. The notorious “night before the exam”, when in just a few hours you need to learn the material for the entire course — from this group.
- Compulsive — a combination of putting off doing things and putting off making decisions, which has developed into a permanent, steady behavior.

What is anxious procrastination and how to deal with it?

Anxious procrastination stems from a person’s heightened anxiety.

Unlike fear, when we understand what we are afraid of, in anxiety we do not understand, but feel threatened (physical, social, emotional).

For example, before a job interview, a person becomes anxious: his muscles tense up, his pulse increases, his anxiety rises, and he has trouble concentrating. It is easier to postpone the interview and look for more jobs.
If you realize that the process of anxious postponement of the task has already started, you can try this technique. Sit down and write out what your anxiety consists of. Write down anything that comes to mind, even the most unrealistic scenarios. Important: If you do this task “in your head” rather than on paper, it will be ineffective.

For example, you are anxious about going on your first solo vacation. You write out, “What if I get lost at the airport”, “What if I lose my documents”, “What if I get mugged in a foreign city”, “What if I get lost in an unfamiliar place”. Write until you feel that you have gone through all possible unpleasant consequences of the situation.

After that, write three options opposite each item, what you will do in such a case or what you need to do to avoid it. Say, for the item “I will get lost at the airport” these solutions are:
- “I can look up a diagram of the airport.”
- “I can download a translator on my phone and go to the info center to be shown the way”;
- “I can leave in advance so that I have time to get my bearings and take a safety net of money with me”.
And so on for each item. If you lack some information (e.g., about types of insurance, crime rates in the destination country), look it up or list “Read how to use insurance. You can also enlist loved ones to help break down items, share their experiences or thoughts.

People often write about the “anxiety loop” — what is it and how do we get into it?

- It is not a psychological term, but it describes a vicious circle known to many: a person has an important task to accomplish, but postpones it; becomes anxious about not doing it and feels guilty. This exhausting process increasingly deprives him of strength, and the less strength he has, the longer the task continues to be put off. The more time passes, the more pressure the unfulfilled task and the emotions that the process has loaded.
The best thing you can do about it is to remove the negative attitude toward procrastination: it’s just the tip of the iceberg and an invitation to look deeper within yourself. A client of mine shared with me this interesting attitude:

“I conditionally divide people into two types: “Administrators” and “Firefighters”. Administrators do everything clearly, according to the plan and schedule, in a disciplined manner. As children we are persuaded that this is the only right way. But I disagree!

Firefighters put out “fires” when something is already burning. They can do a huge amount of work of sufficient quality in a very short time. I think it’s even less productive to stretch something out for so long if I can get a project done in one sleepless night. I’ll do what I have to do well enough: albeit not perfectly, but certainly not worse than I know how to do. Why waste that time when I can just live my life without guilt? I’m a firefighter, and I do everything at the last minute — that’s my style.

All my life it’s been enough for me to have a job, relationships, I haven’t had anything fall apart, I’ve gradually developed and improved my life. So this style has a right to exist! I’m perfectly motivated by burning deadlines, and forcing and berating myself every day is exhausting — and very unpleasant.”

We live in a narcissistic world, treating ourselves demandingly, “Do this, achieve that, show your success, keep up!”. The amount of tasks we do on a daily basis, the roles we fulfill, the content we consume create a sense of missing out on life. It constantly feels like we could be accomplishing more and living a better life.

This is a strong external pressure that suggests we struggle with procrastination and being productive 24/7. I believe this path rather takes people away from their self, their natural pace and true desires, neurotizing them and leading to burnout and apathy.

How can anxious procrastination be dangerous?

- In the state of anxiety, depressive disorder, a person will face a significant deterioration in the quality of life, the rupture of important emotional ties, stress, guilt. And if against this background for two weeks or more he feels chronic anxiety, apathy, lack of energy, sleep disturbance, decreased or increased appetite / weight gain or loss, decreased libido, it is important to consult a psychologist and undergo a diagnosis of his condition.

How do I deal with my procrastination on my own?

- First things first: make a list of unfinished to-do’s — this should contain everything you can remember for your life. Unread books, an 11th grade dress not given to a friend, unlearned English, and an unassembled shed. Everything — big and small.

Look at this list critically: is everything on there really still relevant? Perhaps some of the things can be done in a different way, delegated to someone else or abandoned altogether. Started an investment course a year ago? Honestly, it’s too difficult for me right now, I don’t have enough interest, so I’m crossing it off the list.

Second: anything that can be completed in the next 72 hours, complete it. And anything that is no longer relevant or or irrelevant in the next year, cross it off.

Third: all unpleasant calls and things that come in and can be done within a day, do them at once. You can postpone only once, otherwise an “alarm loop” will be started and the process of tipping unpleasant thoughts on the event: it will seem larger and more global than it really is.
Fourth: think carefully before taking on any new activity. Write down the pros and cons, the amount of time it will require, and evaluate your real life conditions and resources (internal and external). Don’t take on an activity out of an image of the ideal self you want to be, or in a fit of motivation. Make your decision out of a sober calculation.

Fifth: if you are facing a complex voluminous task, and you postpone or stretch its implementation, change the internal dialog from the stick to the carrot.

Encourage yourself: “Honey, you hate to do this so much, I understand. There’s nothing wrong with you, your feelings are normal. Let’s think about how we can work through this.” Come up with a reward for a job well done, praise yourself.

Sixth: Close the open “tabs” in your brain. Do everything possible at once and write out on paper or on your phone what needs to be done later. If you keep everything in your head, it creates a sense of burden and fatigue, even if the things to do individually are small and insignificant.

Seventh, write a list of your basic responsibilities to yourself and your loved ones — what you need to do in order to maintain your level of well-being. And take it as a baseline. Development and improvement are endless, so the forces for them should be calculated soberly and balanced, dividing into pieces.

Is there any way to use procrastination to your advantage?

- Procrastination is a great key to self-reflection. Through what you sabotage, you can look into your inner world. More often than not, the reasons for what you are putting off lie much deeper than the level of laziness, procrastination: in self-esteem, childhood traumas, imposed desires, anxiety and insensitivity to yourself.

Most often, clients come to therapy overloaded with demands on themselves: with a huge number of duties, responsibilities, without rest and vacations, they want to learn to do even more, without noticing what they have already achieved in life. In therapy we learn to slow down, to notice ourselves, to let go of dependence on other people’s expectations, to respect our own pace, to rest and calm down, to notice and fulfill our needs: “I am not the worst or the best, I am enough.